my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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