If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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