when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
