I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
did i walk over a car last night?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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