I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
