Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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