she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
