Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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