not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
