i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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