drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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