my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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