...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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