Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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