this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
