I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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