Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
