i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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