In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
