Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
