you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's like heaven, but drunker
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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