Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
