you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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