Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he just fucked me for my cheese.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
