Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
