she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
