My cat gives me a boner
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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