if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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