doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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