But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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