I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
