hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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