Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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