Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
