Little spoons don't ask big questions
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
