Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
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If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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