Cold hands, warm shart.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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