i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
