he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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