I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
