Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
