Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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