this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
