so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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