Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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