no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
