I just threw up on my dentist
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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