yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
