trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
