My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
