Please, let me fuck your mom
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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