I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
