we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
