I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
