HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
