Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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