I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she peed on how many people?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
