then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
