The brown eye won't let me do that either.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
