Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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