its not stalking. its research.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do herpes really smell.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
