i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
