Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
