Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
