Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
