Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
