You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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