the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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