i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
