yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
