your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
