Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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