Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
