Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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