if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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