Non-Jews are for practice
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
