hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
