I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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