I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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