plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
