Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
